Will there be anyone after my Sex Reassignment Surgery?
95% of trans-friendly men prefer pre- or non-operative transgender individuals. Whilst for post-operative trans women, it is particularly hard to engage in a stable relationship.
This is what my aspiring SD told me, after he had previously said that our relationship would most likely not be a long-lasting one. To this, kind of filled with amazement and confusion, I replied why it is so. All he said was that there is interest and curiosity in those men towards our [hermaphroditic?] bodies and since I was to undergo the surgery a few months after, that would marked the end of it.
To be fair, I could have asked more, yet I started trying to give myself reasons for this, as well as googling whether somebody else had said anything alike before. Personally, I had never heard of that — and although I spend quite some time researching what concerns my community, I felt that there might have been something that I was missing.
Nonetheless, do not get me wrong, I WILL get my bottom surgery done whether these patrons like it or not. I have never liked my body and having an actual possibility to change it simply makes me want to seize it headlong! Besides, most of us are not looking for deep and meaningful connections when choosing to immerse themselves in such situations. At least, this is not my case nor “my” SD from what I can tell.
We [(trans) women] undoubtedly have a renowned history in the Sugar Business
If you do a quick search, you will soon realize how many people actually engage in this type of activities. It is nothing new for young women to find someone older and disposed to gift them with expensive goods and cash.
What’s more, transgender women appear to be among the most prolific ones on such platforms, given that with their allowances, they can finally afford the surgery of their dreams and anything they could have simply fancied until then — and to say it blatantly, far too often are we denied basic possibilities and rights because of who we are, so is it that bad if we fall for these magnates?
Why though?
Well, interestingly enough several main-stream platforms have actually turned out to be less accessible to transgender folks who are merely seeking a relationship — with no payback. The major issue appears to be their gender identity: in fact, other users seem to be “offended” by such people who display themselves as a “biological woman/man” and that even dare feel indignant when asked about what lays in between their legs. Obviously, I am being sarcastic, since nobody should be able to report someone else because they have not yet had the chance to obtain their bottom surgery or because they do not intend to do it at all!
In the end, it all goes down to our individual freedom to be ourselves and others’ ability to hinder it, as well as excluding us from normal social settings (as a dating website can be) simply because abhorred by or ignorant about our situation.
Not many options left
It comes almost natural to many of us to head towards something different and in a way more profitable. Not that we are doing this out of immorality or spite; we do it because it offers us a chance to feel accepted and gratified with who we really are. Those men that many would regard as “disgusting” become more than hook-ups or one-night-stands, they manage to create a way deeper connection that satisfies their longing for affection as well as our need for somebody able to support us.
It goes without saying that different people will be looking for different things — this being equally true for both SD and SB. And above everything, I do not want you to think that all you can find if you are trans is just a bunch of oldies packed up with money and grasping for your honey. Not at all. What it actually looks like most of the time is rather a type of relationship situation, where affection is a daily and gifting a bonus and if you believe that this is not your thing (and trust me when I say that for years it has not been mine either), just find another way to realize yourselves and blossom with all your astounding beauty!
Whereas, should you not be trans and perplexed about it, just think about this: we are already going through so much because of having to transition from who we were born as into a new being that basically only shares the brain with their “old self” and all of a sudden we decide that time has come for us to have somebody in our life. Dating can be a privilege to us, in fact, whilst cis gender individuals might take it for granted, for many trans individuals, this comes at a cost, with risks and the high chance of only engaging with someone for whom you do not represent much more than a fetish.
Besides this being already unbearable and humiliating, you know that it is what takes to actually find a caring person. So, when you are given the opportunity to be part of a loving relationship, with someone who adores you and offers you a part of what they have just for being yourself, you will most likely and unsurprisingly jump into it straightforwardly!
And you can actually make it!
Numerous are the stories of trans girls having made an actual fortune using such websites: some realizing their dream and getting their surgery done; others getting houses and expensive compensations; it really does not matter what you are there for, since chances are you will make it and match with the right one(s)!
Yet, stay alert, because even the meekest ones might turn back against you. Not to mention another terrifying aspect, that is the easy possibility of ending up into a prostitution ring. I do not need to be detailed about what an older man might expect of a young woman at his service, and this could totally be identified as “prostitution”, but the two still differ from one another as we are not getting paid by the hour nor do we only carry out services; instead, we try to build an actual relationship, requiring a lot of trust and mutual engagement.
To say it plainly, you will not get sugar if you are merely willing to give out your honey. You need to give all of yourself when you are together and deliver a complete girlfriend-experience — through thick and thin.
Why do I not get it as well?
Messages and likes have been flowing with ease, nonetheless, only a few actually went from the website to Whatsapp or other apps. It might sound risky, but I can ensure you that these men are actually way safer than most of those that would normally stare at you during the day while walking around.
However, I seem to be attracting the lower stratum available. Am I not enough? Probably, or simply I do not have the right attitude and presentation. And on top of that, they now tell me that it will even harder if I get my bottom surgery done. So, I ask myself: HOW? Do you not want a “full” woman?
On the other hand, I do have found some who appreciate both pre and post-op transgender partners. In their case there seems to be a deeper will for connection and the physical gender appears not to matter as much. May it be that for those who mention the importance of being pre-op and how the bottom surgery could reduce one’s possibility to find somebody — broadly speaking — are rather suffering from a state of “closetedness” and that they cannot come to terms with themselves?
It would seem sad in a way, given that nowadays queer rights have greatly improved and that the legal protection reserved for us is quite extensive. However, I do consider other factors in this case that could potentially lead to such will to secretively experience somebody: age. In particular, if we consider that these people are for the great majority men who achieved a high professional realisation and established their own “empire” during a period when being queer was dangerous if not even outlawed.
Thus, it appears obvious to me how they might find such privacy and anonymity reassuring when having to deal with us: their fantasies.
For this reason, as well, I value the relationships that I have so far been able to establish and hope to be able to maintain and cultivate them further. It will not be easy, but I have already been able to prove to those who told me how short my dating life will be (given that allegedly nobody will intend to have a long-lasting relationships with me after my SRS) that it does not have to be like that. It will most definitely not be with them that I will be spending my post-operative time with, but I still have plenty of fish to catch and many of them will also be keen on loving me!
