Sex Work & Me
So, what shall I even begin with?
Sex Worker, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is “a person whose work involves sexually explicit behaviour”. It sounds pretty right, doesn’t it? Oh well, what if I added that the line right after this one continues like this “especially: PROSTITUTE”.
Now, it goes without saying that when someone hears the term “prostitute”, their reaction to it can vary from a harmless shrub to vainly slander. That is how it is, our society has been stigmatising sex work for centuries, with some light improvements over the past few months. However, while claims might differ, opinions are harder to shift. For this reason I decided to speak up for myself and shed some light on the matter.
I am 21, I am trans and I am currently taking a degree, thinking of a professional course in photography I would like to do afterwards, I wanna move to another country, improve my mental health and do something with my life and: I am a sex worker.
Now, two things I would like to point out are: (1) it still sickens me that in order to gather the confidence needed to state what I do out loud, I had to write down all my other achievements and merits, because that should not be something that one has to “balance out” and can absolutely be a perfectly respectable career in and of itself; (2) yes, I love this job, and despite many already probably thinking that it’s wrecked, wicked, mad, disgusting and so on, you will never find me agreeing with you. Instead, you can sit up and listen to what I got to say.
A brief timeline:
A few months ago, in April 2020 to be precise, England went into what later on turned out to be its first lockdown: my work place shut down and I was stranded at home (tbf, enjoying the warmth of spring and relaxation of the period with my best friends), doing uni work and binging on shows. But I still got to pay the rent, buy food, etc. and since my parents had just moved out themselves (I come from a “particularly humble background”, that’s what they call it, right?) I really did not wanna burden them, since I had managed to live off my earnings for over a year already. So, I started looking around and not owning much valuable stuff at all, not being able to invest and knowing that I could not afford to touch my savings (since those were and are to pay my Sex Reassignment Surgery — SRS), I had to come up with something.
First I tried SA, which is a…lovely website sponsoring lifetime, travel and all sorts of companionships and to be honest, it started nicely. I managed to make 2/300 pounds without doing much but texting people. However, things do get to an end when you admit to them and yourself that you cannot make things physical.
So, I started posting on Craigslist! There, I offered pics and vids to those who would be interested in them, as well as other items. Same story: made 2/300 and that’s it, the website is pretty sterile and there is only a few “collectors” (ya, they literally collect stuff from different people) who, once they’ve bought from you once, are pretty much done.
This was still not enough, because my furlough wage was around £10 more or less than my rent (which was £560, for A ROOM — *cough do not move to Surrey, it’s pointlessly expensive cough*) and while one month was done, I still had to think about May and June, since at that point the lockdown was being prolonged and we really did not know what was gonna be of us.
I started watching videos around and then, it hit me: CAMMING! It sounds weird, but the idea of streaming to a live audience really interested me, chiefly because I have been the kind of person who is introverted and struggles to maintain relationships; meanwhile, that becoming a source of revenue, it would have meant having to engage with people and make it look like I love everyone regardless of anything (it is much, much more varied than this and this is only a simplified explanation of what my thought process was at the time and not a fair one in terms of what actually goes on in cam)!
I started and I liked it, I have been enjoying it and still am soo fond of it! Now, it is particularly hard to make a steady income from it (if not impossible) and there are so many factors to be taken into consideration when doing it, therefore I would suggest to either get into it as a serious thing or not at all; because, although you may get a lot at first, this will soon drift downwards if you are not up to diversifying your content or have peculiar characteristics that make you likeable and stand out (and I am rather referring to gait, behaviour, facial expressions and looks, cuz trust me, body itself is almost useless and whilst everyone will have someone who will like them for the way they are, many more will be the ones whose looks will be better than yours, whatever that is). For instance, I assault my face with blush and eyeliner — which feminize my looks — and put a wig on, then try to act the cutest possible!
But again: different people, different approaches; what might work for me, might not work for others and what I enjoy doing, others may hate it and vice versa.
Then, over the months I tried to experiment, worked a lot on my socials and promoted myself daily…for hours. This has led to steadier results and achieving goals that I did not even fathom as I first started (which ultimately led to me enjoying it always more, wanting to do always more and better and so on and so forth). It is not easy, but it is so very respectable, regardless of what one decides to do: be it online, camming only, OF, domination, BDSM, shibari, in person, etc. It is a whole wonderful, colourful, loving universe — and do trust me when I say that, being a trans woman I never felt more at ease with anyone as I do with my colleagues and viewers: they do not have that look of pity some people give me when talking to them; they do not treat me like I am an endangered species; they respect my work, my art, my body (with very few exceptions); and they are always there to support me.
Note on the SWs community
They are THE best! Seriously, others doing what I do, similar things or even completely different stuff are so respectful, supportive and inclusive. Never — given the prejudice I personally had grown myself — had I imagined it could have been like that. Having groups where we share our difficulties, achievements, thoughts, doubts, worries, ideas; knowing that there is always someone who will be more than happy to help you is simply fantastic!
Why expose myself though?
Well…some of my closest friends know about it and they have been so supportive I simply did not see why I should have hidden it: that is to say that, if the people in my life I love and care about are fine with it, then who should I be afraid of? A stranger? Well, I have posted on completely harmless groups and people called me all the names in the book, yet that has NEVER happened in our groups, since in that case such individuals would simply be considered a brainless minority and subsequently gotten reported and blocked in mass.
Also, I suffer from what one might call “sever depression” and an “anxiety disorder” which led me to days in bad, fights with people who were afraid I would do something unspeakable of and sleepless nights where my pillow would soak up and my mind overflow with thoughts and emotions. But when I cam, when I take a photoshoot, when I am posting something, it often (not always unfortunately) is like something switched inside of my mind and I can be happy again and feel like I deserve to do what I want to, to be who I want to be and overall to live!
So, this is basically it! This is MY story as a trans sex worker and these are the reasons that pushed me to start and are keeping me from quitting. I consider myself lucky now for having been able to try this out and not having done anything potentially bad. I wish I could also change everyone’s take on SW, but I know that won’t be easy nor actually possible.
And if you’d like to follow me, ask me questions, support or whatever else, feel free to check out my socials and Patreon at https://linktr.ee/alixcc
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